My trip to Michigan this time has been kind of an eye opener. To say the least Ive learned a few things about what I want vs. what God wants for me. Ive struggled with my relationship with God, I've been mad at God and Ive been in complete awe of God, but today I understand God. I stood on the pier at grand haven last night and really questioned why we couldn't live here in Michigan; why did we have to move so far away from a place we obviously love to be in a place of stress and hardship. Then this became so clear to me. We are right where God wants us. We have been dreaming of everywhere else to live but where we are. Like Sara groves puts it "we are painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacks" is this what we do all the time? we leave out the worst parts of the different places we have lived all the time, but we need to come to grips that those places we long for are the places we've grown out of, like an old pair of pants we have grown past what they can hold. Even though we love those places that feel comfortable and tangible God has called us to something greater, a new stress in our lives to make us keep growing to him. Are you discontent with where you are? are you mad that God is forcing you to stay somewhere that would cause so much turmoil in your life? have you ever thought that maybe the turmoil is happening because you are directly resisting what God has called you to instead of pressing into what he has for you?
Oswald Chambers puts this in a beautiful way saying
" It is unnecessary to change and arrange my circumstances myself. Our
Lord’s inner abiding was pure and unblemished. He was at home with God
wherever His body was. He never chose His own circumstances, but was
meek, submitting to His Father’s plans and directions for Him. Just
think of how amazingly relaxed our Lord’s life was"
are we “ Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) And Abiding in our father (john 15:4) no matter what or where we are?
we should be focusing on abiding no matter where we are, being content to serve God and press into what he has for us where we are; because when he wants us to move he will do it not us. Maybe our home isn't here in Michigan or there in Washington but our Home is with our heavenly father and when we stop looking to him as our home we start feeling discontent with where we are and we want to find a new place but we leave out the parts that it lacks in. the places we use to live cant hold us any more and future looks so scary but its not about where we want to go or where we've been but its about what we are doing presently for God, and are we doing it in a pleasing and glorifying way that would make God proud to call us his sons and daughters or are we stubbornly hardening our hearts because we want. Maybe its time to take a good look at our lives and do a self check. Another place isn't going to make life easy, getting what we want the way we want it isn't going to make us happy. our joy come from the Lord, that means doing exactly what he has called us to do even if that means we have to give up our selfish desires.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC9cKaELnG8
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Some friends...
There are two types of people in our lives; those who leave and those who stick around. Some of those who leave you wish would stick around and keep being a part of your life because for some time they made you happy and gave you lots of joy, and then their are others who stick around whom you wish would leave. However, the people that make me the most confused are the people who come out of no where and they end up being the most important people in your life. You know those people I'm talking about; the ones who you message one day on Facebook because they were an acquaintance of someone you knew and you thought you would say hi and catch up with them. Then strangely they become so important to you and you cant see another day with out them being a part of your life. God has such a funny way of working the ins and outs of our lives that is so strange and mysterious.
Recently I was reacquainted with a friend through some very unfortunate events, but even though I have only talked to this person for a few months I already feel their importance in my life. In my time of trouble and anger I was blessed with a glimpse of hope to healing by the friendship of this person. Possibly more to come from this story, but with my trip to Michigan rapidly approaching and school coming to an end for the summer; i haven't found much time to write.
Monday, May 5, 2014
In the moments
How to write this, Well, Ive been struggling for a long time. Some of you who are close know this, some of you who aren't never saw it. For the past three months I have been struggling in my walk with the Lord (really I've been struggling since last summer). The partial move to Michigan changed me a lot; while I was in Michigan the Lord specifically promised me something.
Matthew 10: 29-31
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."
I was assured that the father would take care of me, and even though I was afraid of moving back home to share a room with my sister and go back to a school I hated, I was assured that my needs would be taken care of. Promptly upon coming home I was offered a great paying/hard working job. Delighted, I took the position and worked literally hip to hip with some one who has become near and dear to my heart. Over some sad situations and school starting I lost the job and someone very close to my heart. In that moment of loosing that wonderful job and loosing connection with a person who I cared very much for, anger set into my heart. I have been living in that anger for some time now. I felt betrayed, and forgotten. It would seem that now I was the sparrow falling to the ground. Lost and confused, I started going to school: met a wonderful man and we started dating. I thought maybe the Lord has supplied a different way, and while this relationship could never be as life giving as the one I had during my job I accepted it and was happy. That relationship was doomed from the moment it began and sadly it has effected me very deeply.
All this to say, I have been depressed, confused, lost, feeling betrayed, and hurt. the last few months have been the hardest in my relationship with the Father and my reluctancy to pray or read my bible had greatly increased. However, through this whole time the father hasn't left me as I had been so feeling he had. the other day a beloved friend called me from Tennessee, the other day I went to Portland with a lady from my church and at a women's retreat some one prayed for me.
Last night after a long and rather crazy day, I decide to crack open my bible one more time ( I had been reading and was getting nothing for a long time). I of course read in the wrong place, but God knew what he was doing. I read over the passage 1 Kings 19, In this passage there is a paragraph that is titled The Lord speaks to Elijah to my empty heart, something came awake inside.
I realized Elijah and I we are in the same spot in this story, He was lost and confused the Israelite's were killing prophets, the promise that he would be safe seemed so distance now, and I was right there with him. In a cave of my own emotion and scared for my life I was right there with Elijah, and the lord asked a simple question to Elijah; "what are you doing here?". Elijah's responds was perfect, he said he was jealous for the Lord. It hit me, when the Lord asks us "what are you doing here" do we rephrase the promise he gave us? do we tell him whats going on? are we as real with him as he is with us? What am I doing here? I'm lost and confused and hurt and rejected and what am I doing here? are you being asked that question and replying to God with the one thing you need most from him? if not I want to encourage you to.
"what are you doing here, Eryca?"
I didn't want to post this, share this, let everyone know what has been going on with me. while writing this I had lots of tears. I'm not saying I've got this all figured out, the Lord and I are still wrestling, But I see hope now. I may not always see the end of the road or the destination of where I'm going to end up, but I know I can say God is good! and he has never left me or forsaken me. are you struggling, lost, confused? what are you doing here?
Matthew 10: 29-31
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."
I was assured that the father would take care of me, and even though I was afraid of moving back home to share a room with my sister and go back to a school I hated, I was assured that my needs would be taken care of. Promptly upon coming home I was offered a great paying/hard working job. Delighted, I took the position and worked literally hip to hip with some one who has become near and dear to my heart. Over some sad situations and school starting I lost the job and someone very close to my heart. In that moment of loosing that wonderful job and loosing connection with a person who I cared very much for, anger set into my heart. I have been living in that anger for some time now. I felt betrayed, and forgotten. It would seem that now I was the sparrow falling to the ground. Lost and confused, I started going to school: met a wonderful man and we started dating. I thought maybe the Lord has supplied a different way, and while this relationship could never be as life giving as the one I had during my job I accepted it and was happy. That relationship was doomed from the moment it began and sadly it has effected me very deeply.
All this to say, I have been depressed, confused, lost, feeling betrayed, and hurt. the last few months have been the hardest in my relationship with the Father and my reluctancy to pray or read my bible had greatly increased. However, through this whole time the father hasn't left me as I had been so feeling he had. the other day a beloved friend called me from Tennessee, the other day I went to Portland with a lady from my church and at a women's retreat some one prayed for me.
Last night after a long and rather crazy day, I decide to crack open my bible one more time ( I had been reading and was getting nothing for a long time). I of course read in the wrong place, but God knew what he was doing. I read over the passage 1 Kings 19, In this passage there is a paragraph that is titled The Lord speaks to Elijah to my empty heart, something came awake inside.
I realized Elijah and I we are in the same spot in this story, He was lost and confused the Israelite's were killing prophets, the promise that he would be safe seemed so distance now, and I was right there with him. In a cave of my own emotion and scared for my life I was right there with Elijah, and the lord asked a simple question to Elijah; "what are you doing here?". Elijah's responds was perfect, he said he was jealous for the Lord. It hit me, when the Lord asks us "what are you doing here" do we rephrase the promise he gave us? do we tell him whats going on? are we as real with him as he is with us? What am I doing here? I'm lost and confused and hurt and rejected and what am I doing here? are you being asked that question and replying to God with the one thing you need most from him? if not I want to encourage you to.
"what are you doing here, Eryca?"
I didn't want to post this, share this, let everyone know what has been going on with me. while writing this I had lots of tears. I'm not saying I've got this all figured out, the Lord and I are still wrestling, But I see hope now. I may not always see the end of the road or the destination of where I'm going to end up, but I know I can say God is good! and he has never left me or forsaken me. are you struggling, lost, confused? what are you doing here?
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
A glint of hope, for women of faith.
A recent post I read got my mind thinking and now with out full though on the subject I decided I needed to write my own thoughts. Much to my surprise I was glad to find out that I am not the only person out there that feels the disconnect between my life and my spiritual life. I for some time now have been feeling: depressed, alone, unwanted, hurt, yet these are just a few of the many emotions I have been feeling over the past few months. I am in no way a feminist as this wonderful lady that writes this blog, however, what she write about her and the realization that God loves her, as a human and values her, stirred something deep in my heart.
Bree, If you at all read this post I want to thank you for being sensitive to God and his love for you. What you wrote was inspirational and it truly awoke a deep longing in my soul.
She says something that my head and heart cant let go of, Shes talking here about Mary Magdalene and her relationship with Jesus in the last days before his death and resurrection.
" It was like someone kept whispering to me, "He came to her first." I never thought I would doubt my place as a women in this gospel but that is where I was. And with this small piece of the story I was overwhelmed with the love I felt my Father and Savior had for me as a woman. A woman that is more than the imperfections of her earthly body. A woman with a clear mind and a tender heart. I hadn't realized it before but I needed to know that He knew me. Not only that He knew me but that I was important to Him. I was more than the attacks on my body."
This was very important for me to read, as I have not yet come to the conclusion of theses thoughts, this small glint has given me some hope in the oddest of ways. I have some thoughts as to my place in this gospel story, and that for me right now is huge because for some reason I have lost hope. Hope in myself, Hope in my family, Hope in my life, Hope in God, but this one post has brought me some thoughts of hope.
Here is her link if you would like to read more:
http://www.thesecretlifeofbee.com/
Bree, If you at all read this post I want to thank you for being sensitive to God and his love for you. What you wrote was inspirational and it truly awoke a deep longing in my soul.
She says something that my head and heart cant let go of, Shes talking here about Mary Magdalene and her relationship with Jesus in the last days before his death and resurrection.
" It was like someone kept whispering to me, "He came to her first." I never thought I would doubt my place as a women in this gospel but that is where I was. And with this small piece of the story I was overwhelmed with the love I felt my Father and Savior had for me as a woman. A woman that is more than the imperfections of her earthly body. A woman with a clear mind and a tender heart. I hadn't realized it before but I needed to know that He knew me. Not only that He knew me but that I was important to Him. I was more than the attacks on my body."
This was very important for me to read, as I have not yet come to the conclusion of theses thoughts, this small glint has given me some hope in the oddest of ways. I have some thoughts as to my place in this gospel story, and that for me right now is huge because for some reason I have lost hope. Hope in myself, Hope in my family, Hope in my life, Hope in God, but this one post has brought me some thoughts of hope.
Here is her link if you would like to read more:
http://www.thesecretlifeofbee.com/
Monday, April 28, 2014
happy accidents
this photo class has given me some new talents that I didn't know I had. :) excited to say I will either be getting a new piercing or tattoo friday :) just a heads up if I get a tattoo you will see a lot of it on here for a few weeks.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Poems by me aren't from my brain
You left, I'm gone.
By: Eryca Cottle
no words tonight,
my heart is heavy from the fight,
I tried so hard to hold you tight,
but you flew away and took off in flight.
there was nothing I could do in sight,
so I let you go that frightful night,
I said good bye the last time I could that night,
go away now and dont ever come back into my sight,
my heart has taken off and taken flight,
there is nothing to hold on to; nothing bound up tight,
I have nothing more to give and none left in me to fight,
so I guess this is goodbye finally; Goodnight.
there is something beautiful about poetry; it speaks to the deepest parts of my heart, and sings into the creases that never get light. I write it way to often and never share any of it. Im trying to track down and post more of it online since that's what people like... so if you want to follow my weird, lame and distant poems you can :).
http://hellopoetry.com/eryca/
By: Eryca Cottle
no words tonight,
my heart is heavy from the fight,
I tried so hard to hold you tight,
but you flew away and took off in flight.
there was nothing I could do in sight,
so I let you go that frightful night,
I said good bye the last time I could that night,
go away now and dont ever come back into my sight,
my heart has taken off and taken flight,
there is nothing to hold on to; nothing bound up tight,
I have nothing more to give and none left in me to fight,
so I guess this is goodbye finally; Goodnight.
there is something beautiful about poetry; it speaks to the deepest parts of my heart, and sings into the creases that never get light. I write it way to often and never share any of it. Im trying to track down and post more of it online since that's what people like... so if you want to follow my weird, lame and distant poems you can :).
http://hellopoetry.com/eryca/
Friday, April 11, 2014
Learning about a human exspereance.
So the other day I was listening to a song that a friend of mine wrote and produced, the song was about love. the lyrics go something along these lines;
"Its only love, if he loves you back,
its only love if he holds your hand.
you've got the fever and your burning' bad,
but its only love and you'll get it back..
its only love.. its only love."
(Wonder, its only love)
after listening to this song more then 30 times :) I realized what she was saying!
you love this guy(or girl depending on you) and if you love him/her and she loves you back its love, but whats really impressive to me is that she makes the awesome connection where she says "you'll get it back" which is so true! if you share your heart with someone they will share their heart with you and the love you give will be given to you too.So, in connection with all the talk and songs about love I came to the rather horrifying conclusion that love is something we all need and yet no one is telling how it works. The bible does and excellent job of clearly pointing out who love is, why we need to love, who we need to love, and what actions love needs to look like; BUT no one explains how to feel love, or how to share your heart with someone. instead of the worlds view of "give me your heart", that ideal is rather terrifying. "GIVE MY HEART TO SOMEONE?!?!?, ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?! I don't even trust myself with my heart why would I give it to someone else?" isn't this the truth? we don't even trust ourselves enough to love yourselves.
So first we must learn one thing, how to love yourself. what do you like about you? write a list! whats your favorite things about you?
More posts to come on this subject! :)
"Its only love, if he loves you back,
its only love if he holds your hand.
you've got the fever and your burning' bad,
but its only love and you'll get it back..
its only love.. its only love."
(Wonder, its only love)
after listening to this song more then 30 times :) I realized what she was saying!
you love this guy(or girl depending on you) and if you love him/her and she loves you back its love, but whats really impressive to me is that she makes the awesome connection where she says "you'll get it back" which is so true! if you share your heart with someone they will share their heart with you and the love you give will be given to you too.So, in connection with all the talk and songs about love I came to the rather horrifying conclusion that love is something we all need and yet no one is telling how it works. The bible does and excellent job of clearly pointing out who love is, why we need to love, who we need to love, and what actions love needs to look like; BUT no one explains how to feel love, or how to share your heart with someone. instead of the worlds view of "give me your heart", that ideal is rather terrifying. "GIVE MY HEART TO SOMEONE?!?!?, ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?! I don't even trust myself with my heart why would I give it to someone else?" isn't this the truth? we don't even trust ourselves enough to love yourselves.
So first we must learn one thing, how to love yourself. what do you like about you? write a list! whats your favorite things about you?
More posts to come on this subject! :)
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
the long hall
Its been a long time since my last post, alot has happened and none of it brought joy.
to say the last few months have been hard would be an understatement; these last few months have been HELL, but now as I sit and look back I wouldn't change a single second of it. I learned a few things over this time. Hard things, some I would never want to go through again but I'm glad that I had to learn them and that the Lord kept me within step of his plan for me.
First; I learned that its okay to fall deeply in love with someone. I think this is hard for most Pastors kids or really anyone who doesn't stay in one place long. We are told to "Love our neighbors as our self" and that's great! short term, infatuation, or just being kind and respectful goes a long way, but wait actually fall in love?!?! who does that anymore? so many of us tend to hold ourselves back due to past hurts, or our own brokenness; but to actually let someone love us and love them the same way this was a new concept for me especially someone who isn't blood, who I don't have to like just cause they will never go away haha.
Second; I learned that Love sucks when its finally over. When you say that last Goodbye to someone you've invested your time and heart into, it really sucks!! I dont know about you all, but normally when I say goodbye to someone I know that they will probably come back around some time sooner or later. What sucks the most is knowing that person the one you cared for so much and told some of your darkest secretes to is gone forever and they want nothing to do with you.
Third; I learned its okay to be sad. for some reason I always had this idea that if I wasn't happy an joyful I couldn't be useful to God or my family. After some time someone said to me "Eryca, its okay to be sad, its okay to morn the loss of someone that was important to you, God wont condemn you for being sad he will cradle you until your strong enough to get back out there." this was huge moment for me! I felt free to just cry and be sad, it didn't last long when I finally let it go and come all out of me.
Forth; I learned God has a plan. I don't want to say how often these past few months I was ready to give up on God and the whole relationship with him. I saw no hope. I cant tell you how grateful I am that even when I wanted to let go God never let me go. The promise he gave us "I will never leave you or forsake you" kept me holding on wondering if he would keep his promise, and Halleluiah he did! he had a plan and he was teaching me and is still teaching me that even though I don't think he is there he keeps me and some times yes drags me along and other times he cradles me and some times we walk together.
all I can say is this; if you are going through a hard time I get it now, you arent alone! I understand now. the one thing that is most amazing of all is the verses the Lord has brought me now that Im coming out of that time. this morning I read "you, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalms 18:28 and I would say yes! he did he turned all my darkness of tthese past few months into light :)
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